Don't know what to say now
don't know where to start
I don't know how to handle
a complicated heart
You tell me you are leaving
but I just have to say
before you throw it all away

Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me, my love will still remain

Don't know what you're thinking,
to me it seems quite tough
to hold a conversation
when words are not enough
so this is your decision
and there's nothing I can do

When a girl,,,.......

When a GIRL is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how
long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds, she is not
at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says ' I love you ', she means it.
When a GIRL says ' I miss you ', no one in this world can miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses
your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he
is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!!

Arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Kalau boleh teriak......aku mau teriak sekencang-kencangya dan sekeras mungkin.........arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hari yang menyebalkan, semuanya menyebalkan.........

Kok bisa ada hari yang membuat aku betul-betul seperti gunung yang meledak!!!

Kenapa gunung itu jauh?????????????????kenapa salju itu dingin?????????????????
Kenapa??????????????????????semuanya membingungkan aku................

To GOD I cry.........

Aku terbang ke sekelompok awan biru yang bergumpalan diujung kaki langit,
dingin dan beku..itu yang kurasakan. Terasa kepakan sayap ku yang tak terlampau mahir demi menghindari dan mengimbangi desakan angin dan rintik hujan. Sesampainya dengan sulitpun aku tetap terpesona dengan indahnya biru laut seakan mengajakku untuk datang menyelami jiwanya, pucuk tebing sebagai landasannya.

Gosh, you will never know how grateful myself to be am I now.
As you given all the best for me to see, to feel, to experience, to touch and ..to keep...not to miss and not to worry too much..as you have taken good care of 'myself'.

The scars, the love, the pain and the sweetest moments I ever had....it wont be happened without U and it will be stay firmly to the end U ask me to leave.
God;You are too sweet to be kept by myself......and am too small for a tiny dust to even know about You...easy to spell and to fly....with nowhere to run...

I miss U.....to hold and to grab...also to swap my tears.....

Sampai ke Ujung Dunia

Cinta ini menggelisahkan aku
Membuat aku gila
Andai kita terpisah
Mati rasa-rasaku

Cinta ini membodohkan aku
Menutup akal sehatku
Andai engkau tak disisi
Risau isi jiwaku

Selama kau belum jadi milikku yang utuh
Aku akan selalu milikimu
Selama bumi masih akan terus berputar
Aku akan slalu menujumu
Walau ke ujung dunia

"She's Out Of My Life" by Josh Groban

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
And I don't know whether to laugh or cry
I don't know whether to live or die
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life

It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
To think for two years she was here
And I took her for granted I was so cavalier
Now the way that It stands
She's out of my hands

So I've learned that love's Not Possession
And I've learned that love won't wait
Now I've learned that love needs expression
But I learned too late

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
Damned Indecision and cursed pride
Kept my love for her locked deep Inside
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life



wish I can have a good video of its...so beautiful song..

OMG......SO BAD

Pernahkah terpikir oleh kalian bahwa ada satu kali saat kita merasa begitu kecewa dan marah pada seseorang hingga tidak bisa dilukiskan dengan apapun. Seolah ingin menerobos dinding yang tebal seperti tembok Cina atau memecahkan Tembok Berlin tanpa harus melibatkan banyak orang.
Itu lah yang selalu menggangguku hingga saat jariku mulai mencoba menuainya dalam kata-kata.
Gosh, why it just make me so furious??? Why don't you understand of me??

Aku begitu peduli, dengan segenap jiwa dan raga hingga sesekali harus melawan akal sehatku. Aku begitu sayang hingga aku rela mengorbankan segenap harga diriku. Tapi kenapa??? Begitu mudahnya kamu tidak mengindahkannya?? Segampang kamu mebalikkan tangganmu, sakit..sakit sekali...bukan karena kamu yang tidak perduli; tapi sakit karena kecewa dan merasa bodoh....
Kenapa aku begitu mempercayaimu? Sedari awal seseorang telah berpesan padaku, sejauh aku perduli padamu, sedalam itu nantinya kamu akan mengacuhkan aku.

Kecewaku sangat dalam, torehan itu juga sangat pedih kurasa. Tapi aku harus belajar untuk menerima; bahwa selama ini aku yang salah, aku yang tidak benar dalam memilah dan membuat keputusan..terhadap kamu. (benarkah?)
Kata hati ku tak akan bohong padaku, namun kenyataan yang ada sangat mematikan jiwaku.
Gosh...what have I done to you??? What have I done to myself now??
I crawl for a light now....and I wish I could reach my star...again.

Damn JOY

It's been long enough for me to write (again)...for the long I have had.

I was doing my tasks when the station turned to JOY ENRIQUEZ; a nice song of a beautiful movie I like most. It took me for a second then it covered me with agony.
The same agony that stay still to unlimited time to realized.

Hhhuhhhhh.....what shall I do now? What do I tell my heart? I don't even know what I've been thinking and feel right now. I don't want to scream out nor to tear down...nope; I do promise myself not to do that (again).
...gosh, why it does not want to go out even for a while? Just like stick with a super glue on a skull....damn; it hurts but it keeps me alive.

That can be miracle when you believe, who knows what's miracle
When you believe somehow you have to keep for a miracle you will see,
Don't sad for something you can't achieved, it was just postponed
To some wonderful succeeded coming to

the words doesn't work to easy me standing up to my feet, if I may say....but it does make more grey line on the paper....on my story.

I wish I could ask the star not too far away so I can reach and light the earth up...to cheer up the small empty room..where covered by the darkness; looking for the shadow for its mirror.......

...damn...I could feel my eyes watery.........now......

....???....

I live through the dark,
to touch and bask to the edge of tide
the night sky is so clear on screen
of a spread rainbow wings above to see

I left stars to warm your sleeping
to tell you bed stories
and sing you the nights
envy the wind runs on your ears

I bless God for the day
of sent a feather to me
searching for heaven's light
kiss my tears and sheltered my heart

..till the end I typed this down..still can't figure out the title...sucks!..death end..

the Day it comes

The silent still heard to a step for awake
when it will come near to my doorstep?
would you welcome me or turn me back on?


That was a few of what I can bear onto words...describing how I felt at the moment.
Lord, it was so a little from your side...but it is a huge different and large amount to count from my side.
The time I heard the news; it was breaking my heart..torn me into pieces...reminding me how nothing am to be..when it comes about YOURS.

AM thanking at how blessed and what a grateful of YOURS to lead me for my Dad's when none could do. The patience,warmth and love spreading me for the journey and steps I took and path I walked..even it's so hard to believe..but I did it..finally..not because of I've done (as it says)..but it's because of YOU.

I am praying for the rest of his life, for my family; adorable husband and kids, my colleagues...my work, and all I want to be just follow the path YOU have told me and lead me through.

To her; whom I learn of how grateful life is; with all the risks and the goodness...I am blessed; so great for me to share for others.

I would never say good bye for her, but will see for each other...
(dedicated for aunt Yo)

Song for a bird

A day to end for work, bright and sunny
Blessed to be for the whole creatures
the heart singing, eyes width open to clearly heaven view...

All the happiness is always be
to them who prays for
get the scratch of silhouette
of a red dark rounded
inside...

leaves fall and grows
each autumn tells different
for a winter surely come
to stay warm and
stay close....

THANK YOU

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving me another chance to live....

Thank you for giving me strength that would none ever realized,

Thank you for giving me so lovely adorable husband and kids...

Thank you for always encourage me when I was down and cornered...

Thank you for always there for me....

Thank you for the pain, burden, troubles I have had ...

Thank you for always put your arms around me...

Thank so much for the life I am now...

Thank you so much for another day you allowed me through..

Finally...., Thanks a lot for everything....

MEANT THAT YOU DO LOVE ME.....

WHY?

This is a share I got from a good friend of mine....

Why Did Jesus Fold the Napkin?

Why did Jesus fold the linen burial cloth after His resurrection? I never noticed this....

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus was thrown aside like the grave clothes.

The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin.

Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance.

She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, 'They have taken the Lord's body out of the tomb, and I don't know where they have put him!'

Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple out ran Peter and got there first. He stopped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in.

Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside.... He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the cloth that had covered Jesus' headwas folded up and lying to the side.

Was that important? Absolutely!

Is it really significant? Yes!

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to
understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day.

The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every Jewish boy knew this tradition.

When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it.

The table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished.

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up thatnapkin and toss it onto the table..

The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant, 'I'm done'.

But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table,because...........

The folded napkin meant, 'I'm coming back!'

Halleluyah!
Be ready n steady
Jesus will coming back

GBU

My Scratch (4)

When I am feeling blue, all I have to do is just to look at you...then I am not so blue.

It is part of a song, which always cure my heart for ending of the day with smile succesfully. It was so old for me to remember how it was and how it is still refresh me each time to memorized.

My great experience to have all happened during this clock rounds. With HIS guidance, along the up and down of my 'life lines'; what a pleasure to have it.
Never know what will happen till it's happened, with a reason as always.
My clock is running still, with its own tune and volume; I do enjoy it. Thanks to YOU.

The day when this typed, I feel unforgettable and unbearable things ever since. That's all the blessings and gift of my life. Everything is the best present I ever got. You wont leave me behind, never...I know and knew that.

THANK YOU......my LORD.....

Once ever

The gift wrapping is over
The cards are gone
Yet my heart continues
To sing this song

The hours are filled
With warm and caring
Each moment overflow
With heartfelt sharings.

I know it doesn't sound right to you, but please know that I am also thinking of you, now, as you are reading this .....

My Scratch (3)

Today was the time for big ceremony held in every 6 months. And I was sitting on my desk; as on duty.

How am I now?Boy....I took my deep breath...LORD, how am I now? YOU know me better than myself. Need no word to say, but my heart will tells.
It hurts and leave me the gape cut; still.

The deadline is soming soon,for something unexpected to be. I am worrying about how it would be done? Would it be only the way, or could it be the last? Are we deciding the best nor the good? What will we do if everything happenned not as the one we expecting for...in fact it would be worst.

Knowing that I left behind on my way tried to mend all these things become one again, as I can't shout or say. I let everything on YOUR hand, for me to ask and pray...and keep on pray. The hard moment YOU had was not even can be taken from this,
somehow I feel it's too much already. And I almost give up!

My Scratch (2)

Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I feel happy
Sometimes I feel bad, sometimes I feel good
But why mostly it makes me mad

The light in this spot so bad, made pain on my head
I heard the laughter no fun more
as the stars change to cherry's red
to feel my hatred grow all the more to extreme

but to me the salvation appears on my dreams
Oh, can this world really be as sad as it seems

I wish....for
The door will opened and I can feel the wind appearred
wait for the curtain flew..to someone says
..don't be afraid...

My scratch (1)

...........

If only I could do,
I would
emptiness is loneliness, for its cleanliness
And clealiness is godliness; God is empty like me

It just a little tears, let them spill
for not being alone

Are you the one I have been waiting for ?

On my time gap

I want to share my experience through this writing. I don't know how shall I say, good news or bad news.For me, it is a moment in my life. Where I feel cornered and alone on a dark room.

The time when I got the news, it slammed and surprised me. Boy, why it happened? How come? So many questions coming in and out with no answers. None can I talk to and share. As I don't trust they will understand what am I going to ask and believe on what will I tell...No one!
The nights I spent with silence and questions. And when I do remember myself, I was in huge park with so many big trees....green and peace. Someone hold me through for this moment, with pure love and warmth...make me feel safe.

It burst me, and am fulfilled within. Am is nothing but it's meant for HIM to be. Maybe I was rejected and denied, but not accordingly to HIS plan. He knows me well inside and out, on every bone in my body; exactly know how I was made...He chose my parents to whom He wanted me; and it's not an accident.
It woke me up to see the door is here, waiting for me to knock and ask.

Thank you for friends who stand beside and supported on me while am broke; it does meant a lot and I wont forget you all. I do still need the support till I can stand on my real feet on...as now it is just started the long journey; the time I lost for a while, need to fill up the empty side. The hope is still and will be stayed firmly till He wants me to join.

Thanks Dad, Mom; you both are the best for me......Thank you for choosing them for me.

Will HIM understands this ?

Seeing the road down from my room window; what am i doing here? I can feel the pain scratched and sorrow covering me to. Miles I took ....
Dear ...., whom am not allowed and deserved to call either to ask. Me; the one fully of darkness and far to get from perfectness for YOU. I know; it's not about me...but more than what am I worth onto? What could I give to....and how it would be....

I have been lost, and I know that I need to turn back from it begun. Yet, my feet can't be moved easily; I need and have the resposibilties under and beside me. My words to keep and be with them. Yet, I do keep that I would be able to bring them back with me....where I belong to. .It's hard to tell about what I have inside.

The blue I have at the moment is more difficult to described....then the last time I got. This one carried to nights I have had, appeared in my spare time, stifling my days. The first time I knew it, effortless me;stared me out for seconds. Blank to think either to say, only sigh to believe it 's untrue. Can't be!

Am I wrong doing these things? Will people hate me for this? Did I choose wrong time?
Those are appearing still on my head back to the day...I found it out. I wish I could tell or cry....but I can't. It just can't! I wont let him down. I am strong....if I could.

One thing I always do on my pray to YOU;....please...if may I ask....do make me strong...for walking to this choosen road to YOU. I took it as one of my blessings..

I have no name for this too...

It does still the same, the clock ticks
the door bell rings, the same guest coming again
but the violance surrounding, with silence greeting
the picture greets fine and looks good,
for me to see none to shy

the morning to wake up, with a red blink and sore
sounded the sun forgot to sing the song
a risk taken to ask frankly
for the untold of a truth, unspoken word..

It is not for owing, as it equally the same
for a rose could be, to a grave would be
simply for...
a smile and to aloof

I have no name for this...(1)

Today I feel so blue that I could have no mood to meet or talk to people. I just want to sit and be quiet, all alone. I don't want to asnwer questions, greeting and even seeing people face.

The feeling I have on was made me so pathetic and sad. Yes, it bleeding till shed tears. I don't know how to describe it; sad..or blue...I see no different now. Pain or hurt, for me they are just the same. Down or cornered; all the words can't really say so.
The work was okay, the family were fine, the community is just fine. But why I feel that I am alone now, none to talk to. I was left empty, scattered and bleed.
Not even the best pale of me known or you.

The tears dried and gone
walk above there with the smirk
if the world could feel what am I
would it know how I feel
be loved and feared to lost that could be bared

power uncontrolled scared of
to shout and cry for knowing
to swallow all anger
that lies beneath me,
Stood on the porch
I realized....
how I haven't reach the greatest world challenge,
yet its a perfect fo darkness..

thine of pieces

Friendship is not easily described. One has different opinion to another. One says best friend, close friend, intimate friend or might a beloved friend. We just get trapped on adding the simple adjectives. How ever, a few can deny that friends are special people. Can't easily pick up from family, it has chance and reflects us to the choice of our life.

I believe on myself, and have all my own.
I must got it alone now, cause I'm the good thing.
Words will hold no meaning for whom ignored and don't care.
Don't try even to change yourself, nor your feeling of its..
As It was burned and mended hardly, for the wonderfully could be.

Things on my life

Every single thing happened in this life is never for nothing. It does meant for a reason. The statement I read is right, absolutely.

My life will never be so colourful till I met you. It has bright, blue, and grey lines. Furthermore, it does influence on every small things surrounded.
If I may write in a lyric; it will say something wonderfully bless, or if I may put onto a poem; it tells you how beautiful life is with all the risks. It brimless and shapeless with no demand required.

Heart shattered and hope to whisphered in distance, where thine soul lost. Prays on days for tenderness nights for passing of the blunder made.
Sadness come to end of dissipated dream, for a conquered hate.
Do not change what you feel and had, better not to...let it sprouting than to shrinked.

I am not a good writer nor poetry; I know less to nothing about art/literary. One thing I know for sure is to be thankful dan be blessed.

To Start

" Happy New Year "
..new for the month begun, that's the only thing new..the rest are still the same, the date will be the same date we will see next month, the day will alwasy be continued like that, the clock still ticks ...from all of those...we have to admit that the time is getting shorter and flies faster.
Soon we will never believe reaching the end of this year again..and again for the next..if the chance still there.

I start the day with new book, white and empty. I closed the one last and realized how well it goes by. This one is quite thick one now, as I believe will be many items to add and wrote it down.

I have a good things to start with now...